COUPLES THERAPY IN BELLEVUE
Change the patterns between you—not just the words you use.
You may love each other deeply and still find yourselves repeating the same conflicts, withdrawing from one another, or wondering how a relationship that once felt close became so difficult.
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Couples therapy can help you understand what is happening between you, interrupt the patterns that keep pulling you apart, and build a relationship with greater trust, connection, honesty, and resilience.
In-person couples therapy in Bellevue and secure telehealth throughout Washington.
When the same problems keep coming back
Perhaps you have tried talking things through. You may have promised to communicate differently, give each other more space, be more patient, or stop having the same argument.
And yet somehow you end up back in familiar territory.
You may recognize some of these experiences:
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Conversations quickly turn into arguments, defensiveness, or shutdown.
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One of you pursues connection while the other pulls away.
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You feel more like roommates, coworkers, or co-parents than partners.
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Trust has been damaged and you are unsure how to rebuild it.
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Work, parenting, stress, or competing responsibilities have crowded out the relationship.
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You care about one another but feel increasingly lonely together.
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The relationship looks successful from the outside but does not feel that way from within.
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You are wondering whether things can really change.
These patterns do not usually develop because either partner simply lacks communication skills or they haven't learned to argue more politely. They develop over time as each person falls back on familiar ways of protecting themselves, getting their needs met, or responding to hurt—ways that may no longer help.
Relationships can get stuck in surprisingly predictable patterns.
Pursuing and withdrawing
The harder one partner presses for connection, reassurance, or resolution, the more the other retreats. The more one retreats, the more urgently the other pursues.
Criticism and defensiveness
One person expresses frustration in a way the other experiences as attack. Instead of hearing the concern underneath it, the other defends, explains, counters, or shuts down.
Distance and disconnection
Nothing may be dramatically wrong, yet affection, curiosity, sexuality, playfulness, or emotional intimacy have gradually disappeared.
Repeated injuries
A betrayal, unresolved conflict, disappointment, or accumulated resentment keeps resurfacing because the hurt beneath it has never been fully repaired.
Imbalance
One partner may carry more of the emotional, practical, financial, parenting, or relational responsibility, creating resentment on one side and defensiveness or disengagement on the other.
We will not assume every relationship problem is 50/50. Instead, we will work to understand each partner's contribution clearly and compassionately—and address what actually needs to change.
My office is a laboratory focused on learning, practice, healing, and growth.
I don't referee disagreements because that doesn't lead to change. Instead, I help you understand the neuroscience behind your reactions so you can notice them earlier as they arise, then learn to interrupt them on your own so you can more usefully engage rather than withdraw from one another.
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As you learn how to remain engaged, we focus on how you can, together, build the trust to speak more directly with authenticity and honesty, reduce defensiveness, and increase accountability and emotional availability.
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This may also require addressing old injuries that continue to shape the relationship long after the original event has passed. This may sound daunting, but I help you through this process so old resentments are not left lingering to undermine your connection.
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The work is active, collaborative, and focused on helping you create changes you can actually carry into your life together.
How I work with couples
01 - We identify the pattern.
Rather than getting lost in the details of the argument of the week, we look for the recurring dynamic underneath it.
02 - We understand what drives it.
We explore the emotions, assumptions, histories, protective strategies, and unmet needs that make the pattern so difficult to interrupt.
03 - We practice doing something different.
Insight matters, but insight alone rarely changes a relationship. The therapeutic space is a laboratory: a place to learn and safely practice greater honesty, accountability, vulnerability, boundaries, repair, and connection, and I encourage you along the way.
04 - We bring the change home.
The goal is not simply to have productive conversations in my office. It is to help the two of you build a different relationship outside it.
I am an active therapist. I will listen carefully, but I will also help you slow difficult interactions down, notice what is happening, challenge patterns that are hurting the relationship, and practice more constructive ways of engaging with each other.
What meaningful change can look like
Successful couples therapy does not mean never disagreeing again.
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It can mean being able to disagree without damaging the relationship.
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It can mean recognizing the cycle before it takes over.
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It can mean becoming more able to say what you actually feel instead of attacking, defending, avoiding, or shutting down.
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It can mean repairing hurt instead of allowing it to accumulate or build to resentment.
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It can mean recovering affection, friendship, intimacy, trust, and a sense that the person beside you is once again your partner.
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And sometimes it simply means being able to face difficult truths together with greater clarity and respect.​
The goal is not a perfect relationship. It is a relationship that is more honest, connected, resilient, and capable of change.
Couples therapy with
Roger Baerwolf, MA, LMHC
I work with couples in committed relationships who want more than temporary relief from the latest conflict.
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My approach is particularly well suited to thoughtful, capable people who may be very effective in other parts of life but find that relationships do not respond to analysis, problem-solving, or sheer effort in quite the same way.
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Before becoming a therapist, I spent 12 years working as a program manager at a local tech giant. I understand the intensity, responsibility, long hours, ambiguity, and constant cognitive demands of that world—and the ways those pressures can follow people home.
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You do not need to work in technology to work with me. But for couples navigating demanding careers, I understand that context firsthand.
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My style is warm, direct, collaborative, and engaged. I want both partners to feel respected, while also being willing to name dynamics that may be keeping your relationship stuck.
$225
50-minute couples session
Sessions, fees, and location
I am a private-pay therapist and do not bill insurance directly. If your plan includes out-of-network mental-health benefits, I can provide a superbill that you may submit to your insurer for possible reimbursement.
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Sessions are available in person at my Bellevue office and through secure telehealth for clients located in Washington state.
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My office is conveniently located in the Bellefield Office Park in Bellevue, with free parking and easy access from Redmond, Kirkland, Seattle, Issaquah, and surrounding Eastside communities.
30 minutes
Complimentary consultation
Bellevue + Online
In-person and Washington telehealth
You don't have to keep having the same relationship.
Patterns that have developed over years can feel permanent.
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They aren't necessarily.
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If you are both willing to look honestly at what is happening between you and begin doing something different, meaningful change is possible.
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A complimentary 30-minute consultation gives us an opportunity to talk briefly about what is happening, what you hope will change, and whether I am the right therapist to help.
In-person couples therapy in Bellevue and secure telehealth throughout Washington.